Procrastination Support and Discussion Board

I believe the person I live with for the past 5 years is a procrastinator. I thought up until very recently that it was just a chronic depression and a friend told me about procrastination. I and the person I live with checked the definition online and we both agreed that it really seems to be the problem. The chronic depression and the different fears (fears of others, fear of going outside alone, double checking everything) are just a concequence of the procrastination.
It is getting harder and harder for me. Even if I know that what she does is because of her education that made her a procrastinator, it is really hard for me. Being with someone is suppose to make outside problem easier to face. But in my case, I have the problems of 2 people and I have to handle it on my own.
Sometimes, when we have a fight, I just want to give up, quit, go away. I want a normal life. But then I remember own nice she can be, and how devastated she would be. And I love her. so what is the solution.
It is getting to me. I used to be joyful, and find myself more depressed, crying for nothing sometimes. I keep telling myself that time will makes things better, but right now, I feel that I am lying to myself.
Anyway, I saw many people writting about being a procrastinator, I am giving you the story of someone that love a procrastiator.
If anyone has any idea on what to read, how the help her, what to do.
Tomorrow is another day, I will probably feel better anyway.

The question dragon is does she realize her problem? Like with anything, until someone realizes they have an issue, recovery cannot occur.

There is lots of information available to overcome procrastination. However, none of it is effective unless someone is willing to change.

Yes, when she feels better, she definitly realize her problem. When she doesn't feel so good, she will deny the problem.
Can she recover without seeing a professional. She doesn't believe a Psycologist could help her...

Hi Dragon,

I sympathize with your story and I admire you for wanting to stick with your woman and to find a solution. The good news is that there is nothing 'wrong' with your girlfriend, it's just that she doesn't understand what's happening in her mind.

I used to be a chronic procrastinator and it really ruined my life for many years. I read a lot of books about the subject but nothing worked consistently. I decided to do my own research and, through deep introspection and experimentation, I have discovered a very robust method of understanding internal mental struggle and its pervasive side-effect: procrastination.

My breakthrough came by changing the basis of how to analyze the problem. Instead of attempting to battle against the internal mental struggle that so many of us face almost each and every moment, I decided to look at what would cause us to do damage to ourselves in that way. I came to the conclusion that it all concerns primitive survival responses.

Our brain and nervous system evolved over countless generations of prior animals that survived and reproduced. Consequently, we have inherited a vast legacy of mechanisms in our nervous system that allow us to survive. By considering ourselves as primarily survival mechanisms with a higher consciousness, it becomes much easier to understand why we keep sabotaging ourselves. We do it because it helps us to survive.

Human beings spend a lot of time focused on just one primary objective: instant gratification, which means spending as much time involved in pleasurable things and as little time involved in painful things as is possible. This is primarily a survival response. In the general way of things, if you avoid pain as much as possible, then they probabilities of you surviving (but not necessarily thriving) are greater. Whenever you sit down with a complex job to do but have only a vague idea of how to do it, this is a 'painful' task. Although on a conscious level you know that this is important and urgent, the more primitive and primeval part of your brain can only perceive pain and it responds by throwing out all manner of suggestions of easier things to do that are immediately possible and more fulfilling, in that moment. Because these reactions are such deep rooted survival responses, they are incredibly difficult to overcome just by using conscious willpower.

What normally happens, is that eventually the consequence of not tackling the urgent thing that you have to do rises up in the rankings of pain in the perception of the mind. Eventually, it becomes more painful not to do the task than to do it. However, we are at heart practical creatures and we must always submit to reality at some point. If what you have set yourself to do is impossible (perhaps because of a time limit, or simply because you don't have the personal capability to do it), then sometimes the primitive brain will accept failure, because it perceives even that disastrous outcome as less painful than attempting what it perceives as impossible.

It is never enough of the conscious mind just to set a difficult and yet vaguely described objective and expect the rest of the brain and body to 'make it so.' In order to avoid procrastination, you have to describe your objectives very clearly and you have to make them possible. You have to break down a large task into smaller, highly detailed parts. You cannot stop here, you then have to define a process for carrying out the work. A 'to do' list is too vague, so instead create a 'how to do' list. If you do this for the things that you have to do, then you will find that your primitive mind will not resist you and you can get things done. Resistance will occur again at points of 'impossibility' where it is not clear how to proceed. When this happens you must stop, solve the problem, break it down and make it easy and doable so that resistance fades away and you can continue again.

To continually work without resistance, you must set small, short, momentary objectives that are clearly defined and wholly possible for you personally to do at that time. Whenever you encounter resistance (which makes itself known through procrastination and indulging in distractions), then you have to repeat that process.

I have a short, free e-book 'Understand How to Operate Your Brain Perfectly' that describes the reasons why people have so much internal struggle and what you can do about it. You can receive it by subscribing to my newsletter. The opt-in form is the top right hand corner of my blog. I hope that you and your partner read it because she will discover that there is nothing 'wrong' with her, it's just that she doesn't understand why she struggles. The book explains what's happening. www.nickpagan.com

Best of luck

Nick